Japan Invades US

It wasn't until around the fifth grade that I began to think something was wrong. That year, a strange new cartoon worked its way into the social lexicon of coolness. It was called "Dragon Ball Z" and, for reasons my 10-year-old mind could not articulate, it was making me nervous. Ten years later, I can't help thinking that I could have done something, anything, to stop the tsunami of anime that was to come.

In a society dominated by excess and two-second attention spans, cartoons play a significant role in preparing us for the world. Each can be thought of as a 30-minute babysitter, instilling the kids who watch them with certain values and life lessons. But the landscape has changed.

Before I go any further, I should state the following: No matter who you are - whether you're black, white, Asian, Latino, even Canadian - I don't judge you by the color of your skin. I say this because I direct my comments to the media elites, in Japan and elsewhere, who have taken it upon themselves to flood the airwaves with shows like "Pokemon," "Digimon," and "Yugio" - sorry, "Yu-Gi-Oh!" They all started as card trading games, and should have ended there as well. Instead they've jumped to the mass media, where they're slowly chipping away at our collective moral fiber.

It's not a conspiracy. A conspiracy, by definition, requires that multiple parties are working together to achieve some sort of goal. None of the shows I've seen make nearly enough sense to be working toward anything other than a lackluster battle between Bulbasaur and Charmander and the next commercial break.

Don't believe the threat's real? A report from CNN's Tokyo affiliate in December 1997 documented an incident in which "More than 700 people, mainly school children, were rushed to hospitals Tuesday after suffering convulsions, vomiting, irritated eyes and other symptoms." Was it a gas leak at the local school? No. Were the kids breathing glue out of brown paper bags? No. Were they watching "Pokemon"? You bet your authentic Squirtle trading card they were.

Remember the cartoons you watched as a child, like "Rugrats"? Everyone watched "Rugrats." With his toothless grin and indomitable spirit, Tommy Pickles represented the very best in all of us. He was like a Che Guevara for the MTV generation. Sure, when he and the rest of the Rugrats "grew up" I died a little inside. But still, not a day goes by where I don't take a moment and thank Tommy for the life lessons he taught me. So what is Pokemon teaching the next generation of kids? The virtues of capturing exotic animals and making them fight for your amusement? I already learned that from Michael Vick.

Some of you may be thinking, "That's all well and good, but what about all of the mindless American television?" After all, this country invented mindless television. And networks like VH1 are keeping that proud tradition alive. But the difference here lies in the target audience: Shows like "Flavor of Love" and "Hogan Knows Best" are watched by people who have already been stupid for years, even decades. There's nothing we can do but make them as comfortable as possible.

The next generations of kids aren't even getting a chance. Unless something is done to reverse this trend, we're going to be looking at millions of high school dropouts who don't see the point in going to college unless it teaches them to capture magic crystals. No one wants to see that day. This issue transcends politics, even religion. It's the ethical dilemma of our day and age, one that makes me want to throw my hands in the air, and yell, "Will someone think of the children?"